Not sure how to get over a breakup. How do I move on?
Hi all. My ex and I broke up 3 months ago, but I'm still not over it. I feel just as raw today as I did on the day it happened. I feel angry, really hurt, and still very very confused as to what happened, what went wrong, why did things fall apart? In some ways I feel even angrier than I did then because I'm angry at myself for still being so upset and not being able to move on. How do you stop hurting from a breakup? What am I doing wrong here?
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Feeling sad and missing your ex after a breakup is natural, and research shows that the feelings of pain of a romantic rejection usually fade over about six months to two years. Mourning the loss of a relationship can feel much like grieving someone who has passed away. Healing from heartbreak is not one linear line. After a heartbreak, your body is in a state of shock. The person you were used to talking to, cuddling with, bickering with, having sex with — is no longer there. The loss will feel lonely and scary, and from a scientific standpoint, you're no longer getting your doses of dopamine and oxytocin (feel-good chemicals) from your partner. While on a logical level, your mind tells you it's over, your body is craving the chemical fix, which causes the urge to get back together, contact the ex, stalk your ex's social media, or text them. A breakup can feel traumatizing, and it's normal to take time to grieve, process, and get back to equilibrium.
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Therapy, Therapy, Therapy! I can’t say it enough. Therapy is so amazing going through life transitions whether it’s a breakup, a move, a new job, etc. You need an outside perception that has no skin in the game. It’s hard to talk about relationship relationships to friends and family. You need someone who is not involved at all. Therapy is the best!
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There are a couple of different techniques for overcoming a breakup that I would advise people put into place immediately when it is clear that this relationship is over. The first thing is to end all ties where possible. Unless you have children, there’s really no other reason for both parties to stay connected. You own a house? Sell it. You run a business together? Buy somebody out. You got a dog? Decide who's going to keep the dog. You need to sever all ties with this person. Why? Because if you're heartbroken over this breakup, then having to see this person and to deal with them in any capacity that's not an absolute must, then that's only going to continue to break your heart. You need a clean, cold-turkey break from this person, to sever all ties and whatever still connects you. You need to figure out how to disconnect it. That also would include getting rid of things that they gifted you or things that remind you of them, including relationships with other people and friends you might have in common. It's their friend, and no longer your friend. Don't hang out with their mom or get manicures and pedicures with their sister anymore.
Now, when it comes to stuff, get rid of the stuff. They bought you a bag? Sell it. They got you jewelry? Melt it down or donate it. Get rid of the things that remind you of this person. Their college hoodie? Put it in the mail. Leave it on the porch where you know they're not going to be there. Again, you don't need constant reminders of this person. You need to end it cold-turkey, until you're over them and it doesn't really matter. But right now, you're sad and you're heartbroken, so get rid of their stuff!
I'd also recommend unfollowing, blocking, or muting them on social media for the same reason. You don't need a constant reminder of what they're doing in your life. You need them to be out of your life in all forms, which also includes social media. Do whatever you need to do to separate yourself from this person and their existence.
I would also begin to “pour into me.” Pouring into me might look like, “I'm going to finish this degree. I'm going to get my credit together. I'm going to get my skin together.” I don't care what it is, do something that you've been putting off that can help you to level up in life. One, it's a great distraction, and two, when you're ready to date again, now you've leveled up. So, you have a right to demand more of the next person that you're dating because you're more.
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Now, when it comes to stuff, get rid of the stuff. They bought you a bag? Sell it. They got you jewelry? Melt it down or donate it. Get rid of the things that remind you of this person. Their college hoodie? Put it in the mail. Leave it on the porch where you know they're not going to be there. Again, you don't need constant reminders of this person. You need to end it cold-turkey, until you're over them and it doesn't really matter. But right now, you're sad and you're heartbroken, so get rid of their stuff!
I'd also recommend unfollowing, blocking, or muting them on social media for the same reason. You don't need a constant reminder of what they're doing in your life. You need them to be out of your life in all forms, which also includes social media. Do whatever you need to do to separate yourself from this person and their existence.
I would also begin to “pour into me.” Pouring into me might look like, “I'm going to finish this degree. I'm going to get my credit together. I'm going to get my skin together.” I don't care what it is, do something that you've been putting off that can help you to level up in life. One, it's a great distraction, and two, when you're ready to date again, now you've leveled up. So, you have a right to demand more of the next person that you're dating because you're more.
I also found myself still hurting months after my relationship ended. I think the problem for me was that I still tried to be friends with him. I was still seeing him here and there and that wasn't great for my mental health. When I finally brought myself to stop meeting up with him and blocked him on social media and got rid of his belongings, I was able to start the healing process. It'll be hard to completely cut off contact with your ex, but that might be what you need to move on.
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I was with a girl for 3 years before we broke up, so I took it really hard. Luckily, I was able to find a therapist who helped me work through all my feelings. If you have the means to see a therapist regularly, I would highly recommend it. It was absolutely worth it for me. I think that without a therapist, it would have taken me so much longer to heal.
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I'm so sorry about your breakup. Please know that you're not doing anything wrong here. Breakups can hurt and sometimes they just take time to heal. As best as you can, be kind to yourself. Even through all the pain, anger, and confusion, make an effort to get enough sleep, nourish your body, and otherwise take care of your health. Also, if you have friends or family you're close to, know that it's an option to lean on them for some emotional support. They will understand and will want to help you. I hope you're able to move on soon!
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I broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year about a month ago and it was definitely rough. At first I felt fine but after a few days, things hit me and it got really bad. I couldn't hold down food (would throw up when I ate), felt nauseous all the time, and cried often. I think it hurt so much because it was my first relationship and we liked each other a lot, it just couldn't work out because of a more logistical reason.
During the period I felt physically unwell, I tried to move on by taking care of my body in these ways:
- drinking lots of water
- eating nourishing food when I could
- getting enough sleep
- going for walks outside
- being kind and patient with myself
When I was feeling a little better, I found these things helpful for moving on:
- hanging out with friends and family / putting a lot of social events on my calendar
- doing things that bring me joy (like hanging out with my cats, playing video games)
- reminding myself why our relationship wouldn't work out
- reminding myself that I will find someone who is a better match for me
- talking to a therapist about my relationship and breakup
- letting time heal things
Now that I'm about a month past the breakup, I'm feeling much better and optimistic about my future love life. It hurt to break things off but it was the right choice.
Regarding whether you can be friends with your ex—I've been seeing him about once a week and it seems to be working fine. It definitely depends on the person though, so do what feels right for you.
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During the period I felt physically unwell, I tried to move on by taking care of my body in these ways:
- drinking lots of water
- eating nourishing food when I could
- getting enough sleep
- going for walks outside
- being kind and patient with myself
When I was feeling a little better, I found these things helpful for moving on:
- hanging out with friends and family / putting a lot of social events on my calendar
- doing things that bring me joy (like hanging out with my cats, playing video games)
- reminding myself why our relationship wouldn't work out
- reminding myself that I will find someone who is a better match for me
- talking to a therapist about my relationship and breakup
- letting time heal things
Now that I'm about a month past the breakup, I'm feeling much better and optimistic about my future love life. It hurt to break things off but it was the right choice.
Regarding whether you can be friends with your ex—I've been seeing him about once a week and it seems to be working fine. It definitely depends on the person though, so do what feels right for you.
Going through a similar thing now. Hurting very much. Parental disapproval is causing the logistical issue in our case. Felt a little hopeful reading your comment.
Hope you are doing well now.
Good luck.
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Hope you are doing well now.
Good luck.
hi, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year and half. we were supposed to get married with each other, but i wasn't ready. so i asked her to wait a little longer but she insisted on getting married sooner otherwise she will leave. eventually, she broke up with me. she always had time for everyone (mostly her male co-workers), but not me, forgetting my birthday,always criticizing me for my behavior, clothing, family and even my personality (because i am quiet and not very talkative). my mind and all my friends tell me it is a good thing that we broke up, but my heart hurts because i really loved her. i don't know how to move on
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hi guys so I'm in middle school and me and this boy have been dating for a year and he broke up with me like a week ago he said he didn't love me anymore how do I get over a 1 year relationship I need advice!!
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it might be a lil late, but you can tell yourself you are lovable, or just cry it out. just don't spend to much time thinking abt them or hanging around them
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hey ,here is my story.i dated a boy for 2yrs n a half and broke up with him ,bcoz i had trust issues.its has been a yr and half bt we never talk bt we always caught eachothers eye.our eyes talk and we stare long at eachother.i really miss him,funny how after these yrs i still find him like the first day we met, its sad that even after this time he still loves me.i wish only if he knew that with all the relationships i have had no one was like him. we without him,my heart would ve belonged to him. Iam sry n everyday i wish you were here.bt now u gone,im still counting on stars with u my heart belongs .
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